"U remember u told me once that there are 5 stages of each relationship...", Richa said...
"Ummm...ya, I remember...", I tried recalling...
"Well, not of a relationship...5 stages to get out of a rel'ship...more precisely we say 'Post-breakoff Recovery' stages", I added...
"U sound like a typical software engineer...", she said...n we started laughing...I hung up the phone after a few mins and came back to my desk...These days I am always seen out of my office...well...who cares...I am anyways goin to quit after 3 days...n I don't have anythin to do...

I put the headphones on and played the first song of my favorite song list...It was "Kya yahi pyaar hai...". I decided not to work n just think...Sometimes I want to, intentionally, get back to some memories and feel bad...I felt like goin back to those days when I used to sound like Richa...."Post-breakoff recovery period" in my language...

How pathetic I was when I was moanin over my lost love...I developed the capability to cry anytime...anywhere....in college's computer lab in front of my Pc, canteen, classroom, while goin to college, on the way back to my home, in front of the mirror while looking at myself, in my room, on the dining table, while watching television...sply while listening to some song associated with him or his memories, in bathroom, terrace, on phone...I mean N number of places were there....I used to look at myself...pity myself n look at my helpless expressions n then cry...I always thought that I can't live without him...It was really hard to imagine my life without him...I wanted to breathe but somethin was suffocating inside me...and then I drew a conclusion that I just can't survive without my first love...n its impossible to live without he being there for me....

Situations then improved a lil bit...that "Anytime....anywhere" changed into "Sometimes...at some places". I still used to cry...but only when someone asked about him...or somethin related to him...Whenever somethin took me to his memories....then I cried...n cried a lot...That time I was trying to make myself believe that he is not there and won't come back....n I should try n live without him...but I was firm on my deicison of being single...Yes, I used to say those typical hindi movie dialogues -- "Now I won't fall in love again...I just can't...he was the one for me...my first love was my last love...now I can't imagine myself with neone else...blah...blah...."

Time passed...I tried hard and learnt to live without him...I started smiling now...I started concentrating on my studies...Best part was that now I cud think of other things also....I again started goin out with friends...though I still used to feel that pinch...but I was much better....I stopped crying over the lost love...A new conclusion was drawn...I made a wrong choice...he was not for me...he was not my someone special...It was a mistake...

Finally after two years of self-analysis and after two years of fighting session with my own feelings and emotions, I realized that I've stopped feeling anythin for him...no pain...no bad feelings for him...no frustration...nothin...Neutral...ya, this is the right word...just "Neutral"...It was like any other experience of life...What I cud recall was that it was a bad experience....that is it...I mean at some point of time u reach a state where u feel bad just because u shud....May be this was the reason I decided to move on with my life....I recollected the pieces of my shattered dreams and started building a new one....Yes, I made myself believe that this is not the end and that it is okay to fall in love all over again...n that there is someone for me....n I'll find him...

And now...after 4 years of my break off...if I think about my sufferings...the time when I felt suffocated to the extent of dying...when I used to cry for a person who just forgot me as if I had no existence....moaning for someone who cud think of a life without me....n who was the one to take this decision...then it simply brings a smile on my face that I cud be so childish....how cud he do this....n how cud I...how cud I cry for him...Yes it hurts...I know it hurts....but u r the one to decide the intensity of the pain u shud feel...n if u don't have any control over it, u can only smile on urself after a few years....the way I do...One shud have that sense of maturity to decide if at all is it worth to cry over the relationship u lost...Well neways....So, after goin thru all this, I, finally came to a conclusion that each of us undergo these stages after a break off...whether he/she agrees to this or not...Yes, I can say that there are 5 stages u go thru after the break off...before u finally come out of the rel'ship completely...

1. You'll feel intense pain....as if u're dying...n u won't see any solution to this other than cryin over it...
2. You still feel the pain but a lil less than before....but u're at least able to breathe now....
3. You feel better with a lil pinching pain in ur heart somewhere...you suddenly remember that there are other ppl in ur life...n u used to have a few ambitions or dreams in ur life...what abt giving due consideration to them?
4. You just remember that person's name and that u ppl were close at times...bf-gf...but now...u just have to prefix an "ex" before it...n u don't feel any problem in doin the same...Ya, may be it wud have been better to be with him/her for rest of ur life but THATS OKAY!!! Lets Move on!!!
5. You have now developed that resistance power...you can even smile over it...you take it as any other experience in life...n u just don't feel anythin abt it...I mean abt the person(not the rel'ship)...."Anything" means "Absolutely Nothing!!!"

Ppl may disagree with what I said...everyone has his/her own perceptions....but u know what...u may change the language but order of execution will remain same...n everyone has to go thru all these stages...knowingly  or unknowingly....This is what I call  "5 stages of Post-breakoff recovery" in my language....